I consider myself a pretty open person but when it comes to certain things, I keep quiet. I respect the privacy of anyone who has made it into any of my stories but I had to get this one off my chest. HAD TO.
"I’m going to pray for you and hope that if you ever have a family and have kids that your husband never does this you and some stupid bitch comes along and ruin your marriage and hurts your kids and breaks up a family yarmina."
That was just one of the many messages my (ex?) best friend’s wife sent to me over the course of 48 hours. Oh, there were messages and about 11 ignored phone calls from her phone number.
Out of respect for my best friend, I didn’t disrespect the mother of his children. Even when she slung so much verbal mud at me but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called a “stupid bitch,” so I didn’t let it bother me too much.
What provoked this woman to spew such hatred at me? Did I sleep with her husband? No, he lives over a thousand miles away and is very much like a brother to me. That would be incest. No thank you. Did I encourage him to ever cheat on her? No, if anything I encouraged him to work on their relationship, even though I saw her for what she was; a controlling, insecure mess.
What was my crime? Accepting occasional phone calls from my best friend. When I say occasional, I mean once every 3 months at most. And the conversations never lasted very long. She decided to be a creeper and analyze his phone bills and call a number that appeared a few times. A number from new york. A number she knew was mine.
My best friend and I lost touch for a long time and had only recently gotten in touch again. It wasn’t like old times, it never could be. Once you stop talking to someone you used to talk to just about everyday, you start filling in your time with other people and other activities. You have a void that you suddenly have to fill and with a heavy heart you do it, knowing that things will never be the same.
Guys and girls CAN be just friends. That’s what he and I were. We never did anything that would define our relationship as anything but platonic. I’ve never been a home wrecker and to have someone accuse me of it was offensive. My friend asked me not to respond to her and I didn’t. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t because while I am a thousand miles away from her, he would have to go home to her everyday and suffer for whatever insults I threw at her.
If only I could tell her…
You’re insecure for absolutely no reason. Your husband and I have never ridiculed you or disrespected you. We never laughed at how we were secretly talking to each other every now and then. You deserve a mother of the year award for threatening to leave your husband and me, a person you detest, with your kids so that we could do, quote, “whatever the fuck we want”. That was an incredibly stupid thing to say.
I’m not a home wrecker. I’m not in the position, nor would I want to be, to destroy your home so if it’s wrecked, you did that without any of my help. Constantly throwing accusations of cheating at your husband, who loves you so much he never shut up about it, probably did it. And guess what? I never asked him to shut up about it. Friends rejoice in the happiness of their friends. That’s friendship 101.
I do wish you the best though. You are the mother of his children. Your lives are connected forever and I hope that connection is solid and someday becomes one that brings you absolute joy. A happy wife means a happy life, right? I really hope it works out for both of you.
I won’t apologize for being a friend. I’m not sorry for being there when he needed someone to talk to. However, I’m sorry she never gave me a chance. I’m sorry my friend didn’t tell her we reconnected and believe me, we would talk about it. But how could he even bring up my name when it would only cause a fight? I’m sorry she didn’t realize that I would have been a good friend to her too, if she’d only allowed it. I was ready to have a new sister and welcome her with open arms but she shut me out without a second thought.
Letting go of a friend is never easy especially when it’s a decision that’s made for you. That’s what you do when you know their happiness is at risk, you let go- never closing the door though, because you never know when they might need an old friend to talk to.